


The Light on the Dark Side of Me

by red_streak



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Lizzington - Freeform, Romance, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-06-02 10:14:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6562333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_streak/pseuds/red_streak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Red and Liz' relationship takes a turn for the intimate. When it all spirals out of control, how will Red and Liz find their way. Title inspired by Kiss from a Rose (but it has nothing to do with the story). Lizzington centric. Few appearances from other characters Warning: smut</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoy this. Please, read and review.   
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters.

One

It started with an innocent kiss and then snowballed into an inferno. Lizzie's hands were busy unbuttoning Ray's shirt (why did the man wear so many layers?) Ray's hands were tangled in her hair while he kissed her deeply. Once she was done, Lizzie ran her fingers through the hair on his chest. That wasn't enough. Her hands moved south to his trousers. Suddenly, Ray pulled away.

"Slow down. Or this will be over too quickly" he warned.

"Is that a threat?" Lizzie asked as she continued her foray.

Ray went back to his exploration of Lizzie, his hands everywhere on her body. Lizzie lost her concentration because of his roaming hands. But she wasn't one to miss the target. Finally freed of the restraint, Ray's large erect penis was in Lizzie's hands. She rubbed her thumb over the broad head and heard Ray groan. He became aggressive in his efforts. Lizzie was divested of her clothes in no time. Raymond turned her to face away from him quite abruptly. With her back to him, he had greater access to her body. While his erection, which had grown impossibly large, snaked across her ass, his hands had found her breasts. He pinched her nipples and massaged them.

"I can't wait any longer. I have to do this now" he groaned out against her hair.

A wave of intense pleasure rolled down Liz' body as his voice washed over her. One of his hands trailed lower, till it found its target. He inserted a finger inside her and found her wet. He stroked inside her a twice with his finger before pulling it out. Without further ado, he adjusted himself and thrust inside her. Hard. Liz groaned, whether in pain or pleasure, she couldn't tell. His erection stretched her tight. He filled her completely. She knew was going to come soon. Liz wanted to touch him badly, but with behind her, she couldn't.

"Ray", she ground out. The urgency clear in her voice.

"Lizzie" he breathed against her shoulder, his hands still on her breasts, as he pumped inside her. He knew she was close too. One hand left her breast and travelled down her body to flick her clit.

It was instant. It was as if Liz had been waiting for this. She burst into a million little pieces and sagged against him. With her orgasm, Red moved faster and harder, his own orgasm approaching fast. At the pinnacle, he bit into her shoulder and let himself go. He came inside her wildly. It was the most intense experience of Red's life.

Never in a million years had he thought that he'd be inside Lizzie, making sweet love to her. It just hadn't crossed his mind. How and when he crossed the borders into this unknown territory, he didn't know. Of course he'd loved her. He just didn't know how far it went. All he knew was that Lizzie was his, now and forever. How they'd gotten to this point, neither of them was sure. It was spontaneous. It left him both shaken and wanting more. Begrudgingly, he pulled out of Lizzie.

Lizzie's body still hummed with the pleasure Ray had given her only a few moments ago. His semen was smeared on her thighs. She felt him pull her into his bedroom and sit her down on the bed. But she was too content in her own little world to protest. She knew this wasn't a one-off. Now that she'd had a taste of the passion she and Ray shared, there was no going back. The question was what would happen should anyone at work was to find out. This just wasn't done. Instinctively she knew Ray was thinking the same because she felt his body tense.

"I don't know what will happen when they find out", she said.

Ray sighed.

"I know", his voice carried a note of sadness. "This arrangement will be over in the blink of an eye. They'll throw me in prison. Probably both of us. You for being an accomplice."

"Or you could vanish and I lose my job", Liz suggested.

Ray took a deep breath. "I didn't do long-term. Now I'm vulnerable. You are my weakness. There are hundreds of reasons we shouldn't be together. I'm too old for you, too jaded, too criminal. There's just one reason to stay. I love you. You can't possibly think that I could leave you behind after what we've just done. And are going to do again. A million times", what had begun on a serious note had turned a bit towards the intimate side. As Liz noticed, he was aroused again. It was just thinking about making love to Liz that had given him an erection. In response, Ray saw Lizzie's pupils widen and he leaned in to kiss her deeply. 

____________________________________________________________

On a Sunday morning some four months later, Lizzie woke up with a sick feeling. She barely made in time to the bathroom. Ray had woken up too. Alarmed by Liz' flurry, he followed her only to hear her retch. With a sickening feeling he knew exactly what it was. He wanted to vomit. How could Lizzie do this to him? He felt betrayed. No. He had been there too. He was equally responsible for this situation. They were adults, they'd sit down and talk about this very reasonably.

While he cooked this plan, Lizzie came out of the bathroom. She sensed the turmoil. Ray straightened when he saw her.

"How long?" he asked.

Liz looked puzzled. "How long what?" she asked.

He looked at her incredulously. "How long have you known and how far along are you?"

"What? You think I'm pregnant" Liz asked incredulously.

"You mean you don't know. It's been a while since you had your period."

He was keeping track of her bodily functions? She opened her mouth to say something, but he beat her to it.

"Damn right I know! I sleep with you!" Ray, let anger get the better of him. He gestured to Liz with his hand that he was trying to slow down.

"Okay look, I think you're pregnant. We should have a test done and if that's the case, then we'll deal with it", Ray suggested.

Liz was still in shock over Ray's assumption. She had never thought about this eventuality. Now it might be true. Things were going to get very complicated. Somehow, she didn't like Ray's insinuation of "dealing with it". But she didn't say much, just pondered all the possibilities.

Ray made all the arrangements for a very discrete test. Only he could have pulled it off within the space of a few minutes. He knew she was pregnant, but he went through the motion just for her sake. He reminded himself not to think of it until they were absolutely certain. But the fear had begun to grow in his heart. Oh he knew what being a father entailed – he'd been one long ago. But he didn't want to travel that road again. He loved Lizzie with everything in his being. In another life, he'd be ecstatic about having a baby with her. Not now, not in this life he was living. There was no way he would bring a baby in this world, where any one of his enemies could hurt them to hurt Red.

The test result was due the next day. Elizabeth felt time was moving too slowly. It was the first time that Ray had left Lizzie alone for the night. It hadn't happened since they'd started seeing each other. She could hardly contain herself. Ray had been distant and withdrawn, but she didn't let that dampen her spirits. The more she thought about it, the more the idea of a baby seemed to grow on her. If the test came back negative, she'd be extremely disappointed. A baby! Hers and Ray's! She was over the moon.

____________________________________________________________

 

Ray had insisted on accompanying Lizzie to the doctor. In fact, he was absolutely adamant. Lizzie noticed he was very tense and anxious. She was anxious too, but she had other reasons. Her life was going to change – perhaps she'd have the baby girl she had wanted forever. Everything was a blur. And she found herself sitting on the chair in the doctor's office. She reached out and held Ray's hand. It was unusually cold. He gave her a reassuring squeeze. But his eyes betrayed turmoil. Elizabeth knew life was changing for both of them. They'd have to work things out.

The pleasant doctor smiled and told her what she wanted to know. "Ms. Keen, you're pregnant…". Lizzie whooped in joy and looped her arms around Ray's neck. She noticed he had gone still. She assumed he was just awestruck. In reality, everything drowned out under the strange ringing in Ray's ears. He had known it. Why should it hit him this hard? When he came out of his reverie, the doctor was giving instructions to Lizzie.

"Doctor", he interrupted, and waited for her to look at him. "I need you to refer us to the best clinic for an abortion".


	2. 2

Liz looked at him slack-jawed. What had he just said? He hadn’t even talked to her about it! She regained some composure and set her foot down. 

“No! I’m not getting rid of my baby!” with that, she stormed out. 

Ray chased after her. Outside the clinic she hailed a taxi instead of getting into Ray’s car (which Dembe was driving). Ray surprised even himself with the speed with which he chased her and got into the taxi before it drove away. After ensuring that Dembe was following them, he turned to look at Lizzie. She was trying very hard not to cry. He hated to see her this way. He hated himself for bringing her to this situation. Without saying a word, he reached for her hand. She didn’t pull away. As he held it in his, he felt how cold it was. Cripes! He was such a bastard. They’d talk once they arrived at their destination. He had so much to say and Liz would have to listen. 

They arrived at their destination and Liz just stormed through the front door. Ray closed it behind him. Liz heard him give instructions to Dembe and then walk over to the sofa she sat on. He sank down next to her and pulled her close. She let him. He kissed the top of her head. 

“Lizzie, please hear me out. We can’t have this baby”, he said.

Liz tried to pull away. He wouldn’t let her. But she was forceful. 

“You monster! You want to kill your own child!” Liz cried. Ray flinched.

“It’s too dangerous. It’s a risk I cannot take. I have enemies –” Ray tried to defend himself. 

Whatever he was going to say next was cut off by Liz. She was now standing at a distance, having pushed him away. “Jee, let me get this straight. You want to kill my baby because you have enemies?” Her tone was incredulous. “Just listen to yourself!” She yelled before she ran into the bedoom. He didn’t follow.

Her emphasis on “my baby” was not lost on him. But he also knew what she said was right. To someone else, his words were rubbish – he was killing his own baby so others wouldn’t. But he knew there were a number of people who wouldn’t shy away from harming a baby or even Lizzie just to hurt him. And he didn’t want to be in pain – not where Lizzie was concerned. He was in a very strange place – he couldn’t have the baby, but he couldn’t make Lizzie get an abortion either. Sure, he could try his underhanded methods, but it would prove to be his undoing. He wouldn’t risk her hatred. 

When he came out of his thoughts a few brief moments later, he focused on the sounds coming from the room. There was lots of movement. He opened the door to the room and saw Lizzie throwing her possessions into the her handbag. Alarms started going around his head. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, because he was at a loss for words.

“What does it look like? I’m going back to my motel. I’m getting out of here. I cannot stay a minute longer than I have to. I don’t want you to trick me. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow after you’ve conveniently gotten rid of the baby”, she ended her tirade. 

Red had gone quite pale. The prospect of her leaving his house under the circumstances was the beginning of a horrific tale for him. He was being watched, for God’s sake, and her leaving in this state might give off signals to the wrong people. The fact that she thought that he would force her in some way to terminate the pregnancy was excruciatingly painful. She walked past him towards the main door. He was a bit slow, but he caught her before she could walk out into the street. 

“You make people disappear for a living! If you think people will come for the baby, then make us disappear too!” He understood what she was saying. But he wanted her close, not far away. He would go mad if he didn’t see her, didn’t know she was alright, especially now that she was carrying his child. His child. How he wanted for everything to disappear. So he could have a normal life – a woman who loved him and a baby to spoil. But he was the Concierge of Crime. He couldn’t afford that. 

“Lizzie, sweetheart, I promise I won’t do anything that you don’t want me to. But please don’t walk away”, he implored. “I will not force you to have an abortion. Come with me and we’ll talk. We’ll get through this”. 

Lizzie sagged against the door and he knew he’d talked her out of walking away for now. He led her back to the bedroom and sat her down. He looked at her, she was pale and looked fatigued. Ray wanted to beat himself. She was pregnant with his child and he hadn’t even asked her how she was feeling. He still didn’t want to bring a child into the grand mess of his life, but he couldn’t force her to terminate either. It was her prerogative. If Ray stood in her shoes, he’d hate himself. If she didn’t hate him already, she would soon enough. He would have to take measures for her protection.   
While he thought all of that, he lifted her legs on to the bed and pushed her back in a lying position. He took off her shoes and pulled the covers to her shoulder.   
“Lizzie, sleep for a while. You need to rest.” He smoothed her hair and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be right here if you need me”.  
Sure enough, when she woke up, he was still sitting in the chair. One look at the clock told her she had slept for an hour and a half. The details from earlier rushed back and her heartbeat kicked up. She looked back at him and noticed him studying her.   
“Dembe will take you back to the motel. I have to go away for 2 days. We’ll talk when I get back”, he told her. As he said it, he got up from the chair and planted a kiss on the top of her head and then quietly left the room.   
________________________________________________

The following day, Liz schooled her features and went to the Post Office. She saw the place as if it was her first time there. Perhaps, it was. She saw the place as a mother. She saw potential dangers to her unborn baby. Aram saw her and came over.

“How do you feel, Agent Keen?”, he asked in his usual cheerful manner.

For a second, Liz was astonished. She hadn’t told anyone about her pregnancy. And Ray had assured her that the doctor was discrete. And then she remembered that she had called in sick the day before. 

“I feel better, Aram. Thank you”, she assured him and went to her station. 

She thought about her morning sickness. She had already crossed the 3 month mark, without even realizing. The next few weeks would be difficult for her with the nausea and the sickness and work. She’d have to tell the team soon. But today was not the day. A couple of times she managed to sneak off to the ladies room unnoticed. She wondered when her colleagues would be on to her. but for now she was safe. Ray hadn’t gotten in touch since he left. Today would be the first day of his absence. Liz wouldn’t see him anytime soon. It made her want to cry. She cursed her pregnancy hormones and went back to her files. 

The second day went by in a blur, there were bad guys to catch and put behind bars. Somehow, during the chase (she had limited herself to as little action as she could manage), Liz had scraped her hand. It was minor and just needed to be bandaged. As soon as she entered her room at the motel she knew someone was there. Her hand went to her weapon. In retrospect, she should have known. It was Reddington. He was waiting for her. 

“Lizzie”, he whispered. His eyes zoomed in on her bandaged hand. “What is this?” he took her hand carefully in his. 

“It’s just a graze. You’re back earlier”, she said. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes, I had to”. He was somewhat impatient, she could see, and agitated. “How have you been?” 

“Morning sickness?” he asked.

“Some”she replied. 

Then they lapsed into uncomfortable silence. 

It was a few moments later when Ray, handed a manila envelope to her. “Lizzie, you can’t live here. You’re having a baby, this is not the right place. It’s not safe.”   
She didn’t like it when he said “a baby”. 

“There’s a deed for a house in the envelope and trust fund for the child. You’ll not have to worry about any of it” he continued. 

“You want me to just take it! Like a pay off!” she accused.

“Lizzie, it’s not like that”, he sounded weary. “I don’t want you to worry. I want you to have the best of everything. Both, you and the little one. I’m right here. I’ll stand by you, be with you every step of the way. I never wanted…” he trailed of. This was Reddington, she knew there was more. 

Once more, he grabbed her hand and pulled her over to sit down. He never let go of her hand. He held on to her tightly. “You’ve made up your mind to keep the baby. Did you tell anyone at work?”

She shook her head. A wave of relief went down her body. 

“Good.” He said and became silent once more. She could tell he wanted to say something else, but was having trouble. “You can’t give the baby my name”. 

Liz hadn’t really thought he’d drop that bombshell. But on some level she had expected that.

“Of course”, she said blandly. 

“Lizzie, it’s not what you think. I want to keep you safe. Having my name will endanger you both. It’s a curse. I can’t bear it if you’re ever hurt because of me. We’ll work something out”. 

He’d already told Lizzie that he didn’t want the baby. She was hurt because of that and she wouldn’t forgive him anytime soon. She understood now where he was coming from. Maybe she could make him come around. She knew he was trying. And she’d try too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment!


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys! Been too caught up in work. This is more of a filler chapter - there was so much I wanted to write, but time was short. Hopefully, this will fill in while I get a some real work done - this story wise. As always - read and review.  
> All mistakes are my own

**Three**

Two weeks later, Ray still felt the friction. Liz didn’t talk to him unless absolutely necessary. He had increased security around her. As he sat brooding in his newest safe house, a phone rang in the distance. He heard Dembe answer it and then walk over to him. He counted the footsteps till Dembe stood right next to him.

“It’s Elizabeth. She wants to talk to you” Dembe told him.

His heart kicked up a beat. Was something wrong? With apprehension, he took the proffered cell phone.

“Lizzie” he breathed.

“I wanted to talk to you. I thought I could do it over the phone. But I think it’s best if I did it in person. Shall I come over or will you?” She said it all in one go, without giving him a chance. It sounded as if she had rehearsed it.

“No, you stay put. I’ll come”, he told her. He knew he was being watched, he wouldn’t risk Lizzie’s late night arrival being recorded. He’d shake off his tail and visit her. Whatever she had to say sounded ominous. He just hoped that nothing was wrong with the baby. He had told her with a blank face that he didn’t want this child. And here he was hoping that the tiny life he didn’t want was not in any danger.

An hour later, he found himself at the door of her motel room. He felt out of place. For once, Ray had left behind his immaculate suit. He wore a black t-shirt with a dark brown jacket and paired it with jeans. This was his disguise. He still had the fedora – a measure of being himself. His heart beat loudly. He didn’t know what she wanted to talk about and he wasn’t going to venture a guess. He’d leave everything to her.

Liz opened the door. Ray was shocked by her appearance. She looked haggard. His first wife had glowed with pregnancy. And here was Liz. She was pale and drawn. He didn’t know if he was allowed to touch her. After making sweet love to her for months, they were suddenly thrust apart. He wanted to hug her close, to kiss her, to be close to her, to share the joy of pregnancy with her…

“Lizzie, sweetheart, how are you feeling?” he refrained from commenting on her appearance.

“I’ve seen better days” she said.

Ray sighed. He cast a glance at her belly. To anyone else, it was still flat. But he was beginning to see the effects.

“You wanted to talk about something.” He forced himself to look at her face.

She looked apprehensive.

“Tomorrow, I’m going to tell Cooper and the others about the pregnancy.”

He suddenly looked horrified. What would she tell them about their relationship? She’d be fired. Maybe even arrested for being an accomplice.

“Wait. Wait for a few days. We don’t know what they will do. Let me put security in place first”.

“Red, I need to go on maternity leave soon. I can’t wait” She told him matter of factly.

“That’s too early. You’re only 3 months pregnant.  Is everything okay with the baby?” he suddenly looked pale.

“The doctor said I should rest for a while. She feels I’m “weak””. She told him.

“What? She didn’t tell me! She was supposed to tell me about every twinge” Ray raged.

“I didn’t see the doctor you chose. She told you everything. And I didn’t want you to get hysterical – like you just did” she pointed out.

He sat down in the chair.

“Fine. Tell them tomorrow. But then you’re coming with me, to the doctor. She’s the best. I trust her” he told her. “And I want to be there when you tell them”. Just in case they didn’t take it nicely, he added to himself.

__________________________________________________

 

The following day. Liz walked into the post office. Things were going smooth. Currently there was no case. So all they had to do was fill in paperwork. Cooper was away on a meeting. Liz was going to wait till he got back. She’d break it to the team once she had talked to Cooper.

As she thought about what she was going to say (she had rehearsed after Ray had left early in the morning – he just wasn’t leaving her alone!).  The elevator slid open and out walked Reddington. To anyone else, he looked cool and collected. But she saw turmoil in his eyes before masked it.

“Who did you bring us today?” Ressler asked. 

“Being impatient are we?” Reddington quipped.

As the two exchanged banter, the elevator slid open once more and Cooper walked into the Post Office. Calmly, Ray walked over to Liz’ desk and braced his hand close to hers. She sensed that he would have loved to squeeze her hand but couldn’t under the circumstances. She saw Cooper ascend the stairs to his office. Then she cast a glance towards Ray as she got up. To her surprise, she saw his hand shake a little. He didn’t say anything.

Ray engaged in meaningless conversation with Samar and Aram for the next 10 minutes while Lizzie was with Cooper. He saw her on the top of the stairs and went silent. She was followed by Cooper, who looked grim. This wasn’t a good sign.

“Agent Keen has news that she’d like to share”, Cooper announced and signaled to Liz.

She swallowed. This was difficult. Everyone looked at her expectantly. So she just said it.

“I’m pregnant”. The news was greeted by silence. “The baby is due in about six months”, she continued despite the uncomfortable silence.

Samar was first to move. She extended her hand in front of Ressler.

“Pay up”, she said. “I told you she was expecting”.

Ray stared slack jawed. He hadn’t said anything. After announcing the news, Liz still waited for the verdict. She was sure they’d ask who the father was. She wasn’t quite sure how to handle that. But she had an idea.

“Congratulations, Agent Keen! I am happy for you” Aram offered shaking her hand.

“Oh honey! Whether or not you want Tom in the picture, we’ll be here for you” Samar said before engulfing her in a hug.

They thought Tom was the father! On the bright side she didn’t have to explain anything. She braved a glance in Ray’s direction. He looked angry. In fact, angry was a mild word.

“Well, I hate to break up this cosy party. But I have places to be, business to conduct”, Ray put his hat on and walked out.

“I take it he’s not happy about any of this”, Ressler said. “He’s become too possessive about you, Keen”.

Liz just nodded. She couldn’t say anything else. Quickly she brought them all up to speed about her condition and prepared them for the eventuality of her going on maternity leave earlier. When everything had settled down, she thought about calling Ray. He hadn’t called her all day – it was something he usually did several times a day. She took out her cell phone and went to speed dial. His number (disguised as Nick’s Pizza) was number 1. She toyed with the idea of calling before letting it go. She’d think about it later this evening. For the time being, she’d just enjoy a Raymond-free day.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4! Enjoy!  
> Not beta-ed, so all mistakes are my own.   
> Don't forget to review!

**Four**

By the time Liz completed all the tasks, she was exhausted. She didn’t think she’d be able to manage paying Ray a visit. It would be even more exhausting to face him tonight. As she went back to her motel (she still didn’t know what to do with the house Ray had procured for her), she thought she’d just fall on the bed and sleep. She was so tired, that she couldn’t even make herself get dinner.  When she entered the room, she took off her jacket, put keys on the table and fell on top of the sheets. Only then did she notice his presence. He was not in her sight. But she could smell him. His unmistakable scent lingered in the air.

“Ray?” she asked. To her own ears, her voice sounded weak and she hated it.

He was next to her in an instant.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Is it the baby? Do you need a doctor?” He asked in rapid fire while his hands roamed on her body, coming to rest on her lower abdomen.

His gesture wasn’t lost on Liz. She smiles inwardly. “No. I’m fine. Baby is fine too. I’m exhausted. You can go back now. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She told him.

“Lizzie, I can’t leave you like this!” he ejaculated. “I’ll stay for the night. But tomorrow, you’re coming with me. Let me take care of you”. He said.

“I’m fine. I can take care of myself.” She said.

“You’re carrying my baby” he said as if it explained everything.

She didn’t argue. This was giving her hope. She already knew Ray wouldn’t force her to have an abortion. But this was huge. He was having a change of heart. She was content with that for now. But she’d try and make him come around.

“I’ll just go change into something comfortable”, she told him.

It took her half an hour. She thought a hot shower would help her relax. She wore an old comfortable t-shirt and shorts. When she came back to the room, Ray was waiting with dinner. He had probably asked one of his helpers to deliver it. Liz felt grateful. And knowing it was Reddington, he had definitely gone overboard.

She saw the label of a top restaurant on the bag and rolled her eyes. He was predictable. She enjoyed watching him while he set the table. Seeing him as a very domesticated man was very amusing. He had ordered duck. In that moment, she realized how hungry she was. As she sat down, she saw a carton of milk cooling in the ice-bucket and smiled at the gesture.

When she was settled, Ray served her. He poured milk for her into a wine glass and then proceeded to pour some for himself.

“You don’t have to abstain from alcohol if I can’t have any” she told him.

“It’s only fair” he said with a smile.

She shot him a quizzical look.

“I got you pregnant”. This was the second time in the hour that he had acknowledged the presence of the baby.

Liz decided not to push her luck and go slow on the topic. The remainder of the dinner was quiet. Ray insisted on clearing away the dishes. He packed them up and opened the door. One of his men was there. Liz heard Ray hand out instructions to him as she went through her night-time rituals. Of course, he had security! By the time she brushed her teeth and her hair and came back to the room, Ray had undressed and now stood in his white undershirt and boxer shorts. Whatever she had imagined, it wasn’t him sliding into bed with her. They hadn’t shared a bed since they learnt of her pregnancy.

Liz slid under the sheets. A few minutes later she heard Ray shuffling around the bathroom. She kept track of his footsteps. She counted each till he stood beside the bed and lifted the sheets. She felt the mattress dip under his weight and then his arms came around her. He pulled her close, into his body and she let him. It felt familiar and comfortable. Liz closed her eyes to savor his warmth. She had missed this. Promptly she fell asleep.

* * *

Ray felt at ease after weeks. Having her in his arms again was immensely peaceful. He noticed that her t-shirt had ridden up, exposing her belly. He could see the slight swelling. Oddly, he felt pride in it. He was responsible for this, he had put the baby in her. Gently, he put his hand on her belly. It made him sad when he thought back to when they found out about the baby. He had reacted strongly. And had even went as far as saying that he didn’t want the baby. The thought hurt, it felt like a dagger in his heart. And this morning, at the post office, when Samar had assumed that Tom was the baby’s father, it just set Ray aflame. He had wanted to stake his claim then and there. But his concern for security, had stopped him. Having him around would endanger Lizzie and the baby. And he couldn’t part with Lizzie. Or with the baby. With these thoughts still swirling round in his brain, he fell into a fitful sleep.

Ray was back in one of his safe houses. He had been there before. He walked through the house opening doors and looking for something. He didn’t know what it was. Until, he opened the last door and found Lizzie in it. She held a bundle of white in her arms.

“Lizzie”, he called her name, conveying his frustration at not being able to find her earlier.

She looked up and smiled at him. Her blue eyes shone with happiness. He walked closer and noticed that the white bundle was their baby.

He looked at Lizzie’s face again in shock. He stepped closer and moved the white blanket to see the newborn’s face. At that moment the baby opened its eyes. The baby had his green eyes. Something swelled in his heart. He silently asked Lizzie’s permission to hold the baby. She obliged transferring the baby to his arms. For a moment, he felt complete. Tears ran from his eyes. Through the tears he looked at Lizzie again. She had tears running down her face too. But they weren’t happy tears. She looked dreadfully sad. Her eyes held accusation. He looked at the baby once more, only to feel a kick in the vicinity of his heart – the pristine white of the baby’s blanket was now marred a rapidly growing bloodstain. Ray tried to get the baby to wake up, to look at its intense green eyes but he failed miserably. He clutched the baby close to his chest and wailed.

“Ray”, he heard Lizzie’s voice from a distance, but he couldn’t look at her. He felt ashamed. He had failed. He had not kept the baby safe.

“You’re hurting me” Lizzie spoke again.

This time, Ray woke up. His heart was thundering. He was sure he could hear it thump loudly against his chest.

“You’re hurting me”, Lizzie said again.

Then he noticed that his hand was still digging into her abdomen. He let go immediately and sat up.

“I’m sorry, Lizzie. I didn’t mean to hurt you”, he wasn’t sure if he was apologizing for holding her too tight or for the dream.

“It’s okay. It’ll be fine. Did you have a nightmare? Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

Ray shook his head. He didn’t trust himself to speak. He swallowed hard and lay down on his back, not touching Liz. She put her head on his chest.

“Oh my God! Your heart!” she exclaimed. One of her hand came to rest on his chest and rubbed it, as if trying to calm his rapidly beating heart.

“I’m fine”, he said. There was no conviction in his voice.

“Ray?” she looked concerned.

“Just hold me”, he implored.

He slid down a little, and rested his head on her breasts, keeping the rest of his body off hers. Her arms came around him and rubbed his back. She could still feel his heart beating fast. It took a few minutes for it to slow down. She heard him take a deep breath and then felt his hand on her abdomen once more. And she understood whatever nightmare he had had centered on the baby.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys. My laptop broke down and I had to get it fixed. And there was also real life, that interfered with this life. So here goes.

**Five**

They lay like that in silence for a few moments. Liz felt Ray’s hand absently rub her skin, his head a welcome weight on her chest. Absently, she raked her fingers on his scalp. She noticed that his hand was no longer hovering over their baby. His touch had become erotic.

Liz was startled when she felt his hand cover hers and bring it to his lips. He kissed it several times before raising himself on his forearms above her to look into her eyes. Whatever he found in those cerulean depths, encouraged him to move his free hand to her jaw and lowered himself for a kiss. She didn’t pull away and it spurred him on even more. He pushed his tongue into her mouth. It was as if someone had flicked a switch, Liz kissed him back with equal fervor.

She felt his hand under her t-shirt, traveling up her body to her breasts. He flicked each nipple and squeezed her breasts lightly.

“I want to see you” Ray rasped, breaking the kiss. “All of you”.

He helped her out of the t-shirt. Ray knew she hadn’t put on a bra underneath from his earlier venture. Visual confirmation of the fact pleased him. He took stock of the changes pregnancy had brought. It pleased him no end. He was responsible for this. He looked at Liz again. Her pupils were dilated, her breath was uneven, lips parted, heaving breasts. His cock twitched and hardened in his shorts.

“It’s been so long, Lizzie”, he rasped. His voice was imbued with arousal. “I can’t…” he trailed off.

His fingers trailed down to the elastic of her shorts and pulled them off without an effort. Ray’s hand wandered up her creamy thigh and parted the curls at the apex – she was wet, but not quite ready. He’d see to that. While his hands worked magic on her body, he kissed her deeply again.

Their tongues danced together. Liz bit his lip lightly and he moaned. She realized that while she was completely naked for him, he was still wearing his t-shirt and shorts. Her hand on his chest, slightly pushing him away, made him look into her eyes. Liz took that moment to divest him of his t-shirt. She ran her hands through the hair on his chest. Her fingers circled his nipple and he groaned. He returned to his ministrations, this time, he lowered his head on her breasts – kissing and licking one nipple, while his fingers toyed with the other. He suckled her sensitive breasts hard eliciting moans from her. Liz felt one of his hand travel lower to her mound – touching her intimate flesh. She let her hand travel down his body and under the elastic of his shorts. He was hard and thick already. She trailed lower and cupped his balls, massaging them lightly. It was his turn to moan. She let a finger graze the sensitive skin just behind his balls and pressed lightly – she knew what would make him lose control. She wanted his large shaft inside him, right now. She pushed off his shorts and put her hands on his ass, pulling him closer, telling him what she wanted.

Ray wasn’t one to miss the signal. Her ministrations had brought him to the edge. He was harder than he had been before. His body was on fire. All he could think of was to bury himself deep inside her, to forget that anything else existed. He controlled himself long enough to bring her pleasure too. He bit the flesh of her breast, while one of his fingers rubbed her clit. Liz’ toes curled and she raised her hips off the bed, her fingers digging into his scalp. His finger worked faster and her moans grew louder. Ray knew she was on the edge.

“Enough”, Liz panted. “I want – ”, she was unable to continue.

“Yes, sweetheart, what do you want?”, Ray asked.

“You. Inside me”, she panted, as she thrust her hips into his hand.

Ray stopped the furious movement of his fingers on her clit. He grabbed his cock, precum was already leaking from it. He rubbed the head of his cock over her clit. With that she tipped over into a powerful orgasm. Ray didn’t waste any more time and lined his shaft with her opening and pushed inside her. Her flesh gripped him tight. Before he started moving inside her, he placed his lips against hers and kissed her tenderly, capturing her soft moans. He stroked deep inside her, her orgasm, which wasn’t quite over, attacked her once more. This time, she took him with her. He spilled his seed deep inside her, like the time they had conceived the baby.

When Ray and Liz landed back on Earth, they were still locked tight in each others’ embrace. He was still inside her and wanted to stay that way, so he moved to the side, taking her with him, one of her legs over his hips.  It was sometime before they regained their voices.

“Ray”, Liz all but whispered. Her hand came to rest on his cheek. She realized for the first time that evening that it had a light smattering of a beard. Enjoying the feel of it, she scrubbed her hand over it. His eyes were closed, but she knew he was awake, savoring the moment. It was confirmed a few heartbeats later when he captured her hand and brought it to his lips. He held it there, before taking it back and resting it on his cheek.

“Ray”, she said once more. He opened his eyes to look intently into her eyes. She was taken aback with the intensity of his gaze. His eyes had never seemed more greener.

“Lizzie”, he said.

“I love you”, she told him.

“Not as much as I love you”, he told her.

Liz smiled. Content, she dozed off.  When she woke up again a couple of hours later (thank to the baby, she had to pee again), he wasn’t in bed beside her. His clothes were now neatly folded on the chair and so were hers. Ray must have picked them up. She assumed he was in the toilet, but she was wrong. Her bladder made its status known once more and she hurried to use it herself. Once she had finished, she came back to the room. Ray still wasn’t there. He wouldn’t have left without his clothes – that much was obvious.

She put on a fresh t-shirt and panties and sat down on the edge of the bed. As she thought of possible explanations for Ray’s absence, the door (the entrance to the room) opened and he walked in. He was wearing his t-shirt and shorts again. The smell of cigarettes accompanied him. Not his usual cigars, but cigarettes. He had been outside, smoking cigarettes. Liz had never thought of him as a cigarette guy.

“Did I disturb you?” he asked solemnly.

“Kind of”, Liz said. And explained to him.

“I’m sorry”, he said.”I was thinking”

“What were you thinking?” she asked.

“This”, he gestured, generally with his hands. “You, me, the baby”

“And?”, Liz tried to probe further.

He didn’t answer at once. With one hand he rubbed the back of his neck. To Liz, who was a profiler, and who knew Ray intimately, this was not a great sign at all.

 

 


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folks. LOTS of work got in the way. I probably won't update this weekend either because I'll be away. But hopefully the week after that, we'll have something.

**Six**

“Lizzie, I plan people’s lives. I give them new identities, new places to live. New lives.” Ray went quiet for a few moments. “And now, here, for me and you, I don’t have a plan.”

He sat next to Liz, looking desolate. On some level she understood what he was saying. But she was willing to explore possibilities and said as much.

“There are no possibilities here that are acceptable to me!” he said. “If anyone should find out that this is my baby…” he trailed off. “I don’t have to tell you what will happen. You’ve seen them all – Ranko Zamani, The Stewmaker, the Kings, Cyprus Agency.” He drew in a breath.

“You still want me to have an abortion.” Liz stated incredulously.

“Look at me.” Ray said softly.

Although he had said it softy, his voice was powerful and compelling. As if drawn by invisible strings, she turned to look at him. What she saw there, in his eyes, made her gasp. Suddenly, she could feel his pain. No, he didn’t want her to get an abortion. But she saw his indecision.

“Lizzie, I told you once that I’d go away, you only had to say the word.” Ray said.

Liz panicked. She didn’t want him gone, whatever danger that came, they’d face it together.

“That offer no longer stands. I will not leave you alone. I will stay here in this very city, honor the terms of the agreement and be close to you. But I will stay away for your and the baby’s safety. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, you know where to call.” Liz hadn’t noticed, his arm had crept around her shoulders and pulled her close. He kissed her hair as tears trailed down her cheeks.

“Ray, no! I can’t do this without you.” She cried

“You’re not doing this without me. I just can’t live knowing that my presence puts you in danger all the time” Ray said sadly. “Do you know what it does to me to think that one day someone will snatch you or the baby just to have revenge?”

“We will find another way” Lizzie declared.

“Until we do, this arrangement will have to work.” His tone held finality.

 

* * *

 

Ray had left. Lizzie couldn’t believe it. It had been 2 months! True to his word, he never failed to show up whenever she needed him. He made it a point to show up at the Post office almost every day (except when he was away for business). And since Liz was not going on any filed excursions, he stayed  with her as much as he could without arousing suspicion. But that was just not enough.

In the ensuing weeks, Liz had the chance to think about a lot of things. She was looking at a future in which she was a single parent. Raymond had said he’d be there whenever she needed him, but now, even she was having doubts. With her job and the dangers it represented, she could now understand some of Ray’s agitation.

She put things in perspective and really looked at the options that she had in front of her. Five months along, Liz’ belly was now a small bump. She rubbed her belly in soothing circles and looked once more at the brochure of an adoption agency on her screen. She hated to do this, but she felt trapped with just one way out. With a heavy heart, she picked up her cell phone and dialed the number on the screen.

The following week, with a few things in place, Liz marched up to Ray’s latest safehouse. It was very Ray, fancy and ornate. Liz knew he was staying on the second floor and pressed the button for the elevator. Once in it, she checked her large handbag for the contents that she was here to deliver. The door slid open with a ding, and Liz walked out after smoothing her hair for the hundredth time.

As she walked towards the door of Ray’s apartment, she heard soulful notes of a piano. Ray was probably listening to one of his piano concerts. Dembe greeted her with a smile and hug at the door and led her inside. To her surprise, she saw Ray playing the sleek baby grand piano.

Ray stopped midway when he saw Liz was his visitor. He got up quickly and went to her and slowly gathered her in his arms as if she was going to break.

“You could have called me. I would have come over”, he told her.

“I thought of that too. But then, I thought going out will do me a world of good”, she told him smiling.

“Did Cooper send you? If he did, remind him that I can’t help him unless he helps me with ViCAP”, he told her matter-of-factly.

“No, I came here for a personal matter” she told him.

He looked at her as if trying to read her mind. She was sure he could do that. His silent stare made her uncomfortable. To divert attention, she started fumbling with her bag and pulled out a manila envelope. Before she handed it to Ray, she took a deep breath.

“What is this?” he asked. He had hesitated for a brief second before taking it from her.

Liz chose not to answer and waited for him to look at the contents himself. Ray opened the envelope and let the papers in it slide out into his hand. Liz looked at his face as he read. She noticed that it got paler by the second. She could tell when he had reached the end.

“Lizzie”, he sounded desolate.

Liz waited for him to say something. But he didn’t continue. “I have no choice, Ray” she said. “I want the baby to have a proper home. Two parents who don’t have to worry about their enemies. The only way is to give the baby up for adoption. I need you to sign the papers to give up your parental rights”.

Ray didn’t answer. He took a deep breath. “Lizzie, go home. I’ll have the papers sent to you tomorrow”, he said before turning away. “Dembe, take her home. Make sure she arrives safely”, he instructed his trusted friend.

As Liz walked to the elevator, she was sure she heard the piano again. This time, it was not a soulful tune. It was as if Ray had pounded the keys with his fists. The sound had faded before it could register.


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the delay. There was work and then a work related trip abroad and then .... well things just got lost. So here I am back on track. Dont forget to leave comments

Ray didn’t show up the next day like he had said. He had never done that before. Liz grew fidgety when she didn’t hear from him by end of the second day. On the third day, she gave in and called him. To her utter disappointment, Dembe answered the phone, not Ray. They were away for business, but they’d be back soon. When she asked Dembe to let her talk to Ray, he had calmly told her that he was unavailable at the time. After reassuring her that things were under control, he hung up leaving Liz out cold. At least she knew Ray was okay. But it wasn’t like him to vanish into thin air. She felt betrayed. Tears pricked her eyes.

“Stop it!” she said to herself. But she knew her hormones were out of kilter at the moment. She wiped her eyes quickly and went about her work (she was confined to desk work). When she got home later that night, she was dead on her feet, she felt exhausted and very hungry. The exhaustion won over hunger and Liz decided to sleep for a while. She had two more weeks before her extended leave. The big move loomed over her head. She had put the house Ray had gotten for her on sale. With the proceeds she’d buy a small apartment for her and the baby. The remaining amount, she’d put in the trust Ray had setup for their child. She just hoped this would all take place before the baby arrived. 

Liz hadn’t had any problems till now like the doctor had suggested. That was some consolation. By now, the baby had started making its presence known, and it wasn’t just flutters. Liz absently rubbed her distended belly and felt the baby move inside. And just like that, between one breath and the next, she fell asleep.   
Something woke Liz. It wasn’t a sound. She opened her eyes to intense green eyes. Ray’s face swam into focus. Liz sat up, startled. 

“Jeez, Ray, you could have knocked!” Liz exclaimed. Without warning, she grabbed his hand and placed it on her chest, where he felt her rapidly beating heart. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you” he genuinely sounded apologetic. He didn’t remove his hand from her chest. 

“Dembe told me you guys were away for business. He said you were unavailable”, Liz told him.

“I know. I should have called you back, instead of popping up here”, he said. His hand, slid up her neck and into her hair. “How have you been?” 

“Exhausted”, Liz replied. 

“Do you want me to rub your shoulders?” he asked. 

“No. It’s okay. I’ll sleep it off”, she said. 

“Was there something you wanted to talk about?” he asked. “You called earlier.”

“Is that why you’re back? Did you cut your trip short because of me?” she asked incredulously. 

Ray gave her a sheepish grin. “Caught Red handed. Pun intended”, he said, “So, what was it?”

Liz sighed. She knew it would kill the pleasant mood. But it had to be done. “You said you’d sign the papers and send them to me. I just wanted to know where we are on that”.  
She had been correct in assuming he wouldn’t like it. His features became tight. 

“I thought about what you said the other day. And before I sign anything, I just wanted to talk to – “ he broke off and sighed “the baby. I want to talk to the baby”. 

Liz’ mouth formed an “o” in surprise. She really hadn’t seen that coming. Wordlessly, she nodded. Ray removed his jacket, tie and shoes and climbed into bed next to her, spoon fashion. She felt his hand travel down her arm, his presence making her feel at peace. Ray’s hand crept under her shirt and found its place on her belly, where their baby resided safely. He rubbed it in lazy circles. For a few moments there was total silence except for the sound of their breathing. Liz knew he was thinking what to say. 

“Daddy is terribly sorry”, he began. “It makes me cringe every time I think about asking your mom to have an abortion.”

Liz had the feeling that he was talking more to her instead of the baby. But she didn’t interrupt. She wanted to hear what came next.

“I asked your mom to not give you my name. That hurt. But I’ll do anything to keep you safe. Your mother thinks that someone else should raise you – that way you will be safe. I hate it and I hate that that might be the only way to ensure your safety. I haven’t signed the papers yet. I couldn’t do it before telling you how much you mean to me. I know – from experience – how difficult it is to give up the chance to see your baby grow up. Your mom might change her mind about giving you up. If she doesn’t, I’ll sign the papers. But know this, wherever you are, whoever you become, daddy loves you enough to hurt himself a great deal.”

At that moment, the baby gave a mighty kick as if it had understood every word. Liz felt Ray go very still. His fingers dug lightly into her burgeoning belly. The baby moved again. Liz brought her hand and rested it on top of his. 

“How will I ever let you go!” he said. Liz didn’t know whether he meant her or the baby or both. Ray remembered every word that he’d said to Lizzie about the baby and felt ashamed of himself. It humbled him to think that he had helped create the beautiful life that Liz nurtured. 

“Lizzie, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I have no excuse. All I can say is that I was scared. I’m still scared. I don’t know if I can do a good job at being a father again. Just be patient with me. That’s all I ask.”


End file.
